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Richard B. Cheney, Vice President
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| I love Bizarre News |
[11 Aug 2001|12:58pm] |
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mood |
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Since 1973, the Lovenstein Institute has published it's
research on each new president, which includes the famous
"IQ" report among others. According to statements in the
report, there have been twelve presidents over the past
50 years, from F. D. Roosevelt to G. W. Bush who were all
rated based on scholarly achievements, writings that they
alone produced without aid of staff, their ability to
speak with clarity, and several other psychological factors
which were then scored in the Swanson/Crain system of intell-
igence ranking.
The study determined the following IQs of each president as
accurate to within five percentage points:
147 Franklin D. Roosevelt (D)
132 Harry Truman (D)
122 Dwight D. Eisenhower (R)
174 John F. Kennedy (D)
126 Lyndon B. Johnson (D)
155 Richard M. Nixon (R)
121 Gerald Ford (R)
175 James E. Carter (D)
105 Ronald Reagan (R)
98 George HW Bush (R)
182 William J. Clinton (D)
91 George W. Bush (R)
No president other than Carter (D) has released his
actual IQ, 176. Among comments made concerning the specific
testing of President GW Bush, his low ratings were due to
his apparent difficulty to command the English language in
public statements, his limited use of vocabulary (6,500
words for Bush versus an average of 11,000 words for other
presidents), his lack of scholarly achievements other than a
basic MBA, and an absence of any body of work which could
be studied on an intellectual basis.
"All the Presidents prior to George W. Bush had a least one
book under their belt, and most had written several white
papers during their education or early careers. Not so with
President Bush," Dr. Lovenstein said.
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(15 Heart Attacks | Cardiac Arrest? I HAVE NO HEART!)
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| I'm really pissed off. |
[28 Jul 2001|11:44am] |
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mood |
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Damn that bastard Dubya. My tax refund is only gonna be $241.06! I spend more money wiping my ass every day! That son-of-a-bush, I'll kick his scrawny butt.
On a brighter note, I'm trying to decide how to spend my money in a way that will annoy Georgie. Mark Morford of the San Francisco Chronicle has some interesting ideas. I particularly like this one, though I'll change the name to "Georgie":
"Craft small voodoo dolls/effigies of Dick Cheney out of $1 bills, set them on fire, then stomp them into gritty ashen pulp while listening to Rage Against the Machine or perhaps Rufus Wainwright or Leonard Cohen, giggling softly and drinking wine and dancing partially naked. Great for couples!"
I wonder if ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) miss_cleo can teach me how to make a voodoo doll of Georgie...
How are all you wonderful voters going to spend your refunds?
-Dick
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(2 Heart Attacks | Cardiac Arrest? I HAVE NO HEART!)
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| Al Gore sucks |
[10 Jul 2001|09:33am] |
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mood |
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From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska, it's the Top Ten List for April 27, 2001
Top Ten Responses To The Question, 'How Fat Is Al Gore?'
10. He's so fat, when he appears in public the band plays "Hail To The Beef"
9. He's so fat, the Florida Election Commission is recounting his chins
8. He's so fat, he'll only take money from the Chinese if it comes with egg rolls
7. He's so fat, instead of apples, his students place margarine on his desk
6. He's so fat, the Secret Service has added one agent just to guard his ass
5. He's so fat, his belt gave a concession speech
4. He's so fat, he asked Bush if he can be ambassador to KFC
3. He's so fat, he had one of Dick Cheney's heart attacks
2. He's so fat, the Liberty Bell is now the second largest thing with a crack
1. He's so fat, Clinton is thinking of hitting on him
Heh heh heh... That Letterman boy sure is funny.
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(3 Heart Attacks | Cardiac Arrest? I HAVE NO HEART!)
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| I'm proud of you, California! |
[09 Jul 2001|03:56pm] |
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Hello, America!
This just in!
Attacks on state abortion clinics most in nation
Monday, July 9, 2001
Carol Ness, San Francisco Chronicle Staff Writer
Over the last two decades, California abortion clinics were torched and bombed more than in any other state, accounting for 30 out of 224 such crimes reported nationwide, according to a state Senate report.
In addition, a Senate survey of 172 clinics and doctors around the state found that more than half of those responding reported threats, vandalism, assaults, blockades and other crimes from 1995 to 2000.
The same survey found that 30 percent of those responding reported that they or their families were stalked, harassed, threatened and otherwise targeted at their homes or in other places away from clinics and medical offices.
Way to go, California! My faith in you has been restored! I'm glad to see you aren't as liberal as everyone thinks you are.
Now get out there and build some nuclear power plants, kiddo!
-Dick
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(Cardiac Arrest? I HAVE NO HEART!)
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| Some thoughts on my health... |
[08 Jul 2001|02:24pm] |
|
Hello, again America!
There are a lot of people in America today who are worried about me dying in office. Let me take a moment to ease your fears:
-Yes, I have gout. But no one dies from it, right?
-Yes, I have had cancer. But I am rich and can afford the best treatments without the help of any HMO or Patients Bill of Rights.
-Yes, I am severely allergic to pomegranites, and I once almost died from eating one. But that's OK because I am anti-environment, and I am the CEO of an oil company. I can make those damn plants disappear faster than the Bald Eagle!
-Yes, I have mild heart problems. Sure, I've had three or four heart attacks, but who's counting? Sure, I've had several heart surgeries, but who's counting?
Fact of the matter is, folks, I have a pact with the Devil. Mr. Gates has assured me that I will live longer than Strom Thurmond, and I happen to know that Strom is undead. (His first political office was actually held in the Roman Empire. He was very pro-capital punishment, and was responsible for the legislation that killed jesus_christ. Thanks, Strom! Without you, we might all be Pagans and Jews!) That man will be playing Mah Jongg with Cher and bob_dole after my energy plan creates a nuclear holocaust.
Speaking of Holocausts, this brings me to my next proposition. I believe that we should eliminate the Presidential term limit. That way, I can be President forever. What do you think?
-Dick
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(7 Heart Attacks | Cardiac Arrest? I HAVE NO HEART!)
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| Heh heh heh... |
[08 Jul 2001|01:44pm] |
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mood |
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Look at this, America!
I found this email in my archives... Colin and I got drunk and sent this out sometime last year.
I just heard a rumor from a good source. The Republican party is feeling that Cheney is a liability on the ticket. There's a rumor that a few weeks prior to the election in a desperate attempt to win, Cheney will resign because of a trumped-up heart problem or potential "threat to his health." Then either John McCain or Colin Powell will be asked to come on the ticket and save the party. This move is afoot in top circles and to try to squelch it PLEASE send this letter to as many people as you can. If we get the rumor on the internet, they won't be able to do their calculated move without repercussions.
Heh heh heh... That was a good one! We fooled you good, huh?
-------------
So I love this internet thing. I always go surfing, looking for things that people are saying about me so I can have the secret service mess with their credit records... But look what I found today! Someone posted my arrest records on the Web! and you thuought Georgie was the only lush in the White House! Brings back memories...
Uh-oh, it's 2:00! Gotta go take some more meds.
God Bless my Presidency,
-Dick
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(Cardiac Arrest? I HAVE NO HEART!)
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| Dawning of a new day... |
[08 Jul 2001|12:18pm] |
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mood |
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Good Morning, America!
Since having that there pump-thingy put into my heart, I feel like a new man. It could also be because I slipped the doctors an extra half-million to put me through an experimental procedure, thus making me less compassionate than before. Now I can really get some work done! That damn conscience was getting in my way...
But I digress. I've decided that Live Journal is the best place for me to record my thoughts, hopes, and plans for world domination, without Georgie getting a hold of them. I had bought one of those neat-o N'Sync diaries from Claire's, but Georgie is better at getting them open than I am. So I figured, why not do it on the internet? (heh heh... Dick is doin it on the internet...) Georgie can't even figure out Minesweeper, let alone AOL, so I'm safe.
Well, sheep, I have to go take my meds now. Be sure not to have any abortions while I'm gone!
-Dick
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(3 Heart Attacks | Cardiac Arrest? I HAVE NO HEART!)
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